I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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