can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
