is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
