He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize