I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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