Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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