i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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