the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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