Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
