I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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