tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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