You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
