i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
