Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
