she woke up with a sticky ear
You can't motorboat a personality
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
