If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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