I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
