I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
