jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
