Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize