she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
