i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
