Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
