dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
