who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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