I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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