Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
