the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
