Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
