I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
