Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
