Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize