Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
