hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
