You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
