There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
