i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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