this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
