Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
