I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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