i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
