I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
