I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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