if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
