Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
