alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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