I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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