Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize