I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
