Betty ford says i'm here all night
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
