"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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