The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
