Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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