fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize