I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
