my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
