we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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