Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
