If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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