I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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