Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
