How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
