I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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