Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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