Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
