Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
