He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
