My hand turned me down
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
