She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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