apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
