bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
