I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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