What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
