Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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