I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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