onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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