dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's get the cat blown out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
