I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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