kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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