How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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