we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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