Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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