So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
