while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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