I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
