I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize