i was born a porn star she said
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
