oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
