nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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