you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
