What tipped you off? The sombrero?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
