I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
