Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
