Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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