I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
