found the other keg... it's in the tree
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
