chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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