Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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