We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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