you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize